Self-Forgiveness

Some last bit of business before we kick off November.

Oktober’s stalker card was Forgiveness from the Halloween Oracle Deck.  That bitch showed up 8 times.  And while glancing thought my BOS, I happen upon the Self-Forgiveness spread. 

So, with that spread and the fucking deck, let’s dig deep.

Origin:  Describe the original event requiring self-forgiveness, Skull of Darkness, I have been putting this even offside, as something that I don’t need to deal with because it will cure itself.  Well, it’s coming up to 5 months and it don’t look like it’s gonna fix itself.

Expectation:  What my expectations are for myself around this event, Midnight, oh yeah.  I am in a dark place about this event.  I think I am gonna crash if I let this really hit me.

Perspective:  How to put the original event into healthy perspective, Hearth, yes, this was my family.

Responsibility:  How best to take responsibility for the original event, Nightsong, I shined a hard light on him and he didn’t like it.

Acceptance:  How best to accept the original event, Spider, it threw me into that yes, I am non-binary and I am not backing down from that.

Inner story:  Identify the inner story resulting from the original event, Invisibility, he showed me so much he was hiding from me. 

Release:  How best to release the resulting guilt/shame, Cauldron, I got to change.  I don’t know how to and I am trying to find a way.

New action:  How best to use the lessons from the original event to propel me into new, healthier action, Ghost, I NEED TO LET GO AND I DON’T KNOW HOW!  CAN YOU TELL ME CARDS?!?

Compassions:  How best to honor myself during this self-forgiveness process, Trick-or-Treat, I need to play.

This did not give the answers I need. 

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